Are Family Child Care Providers Too Nice?

A family child care provider in Minnesota told me the following story:

She has been doing child care for fourteen years and has taken two vacations during that time. Her contract allows for ten paid sick days a year and up to five paid personal days. The few sick days she has taken over the years were when her own child was born and when her husband and her child had surgery.

She took a sick day this past summer to attend the funeral of a parent. She had cared for his child for eight years. This month she plans to take her last personal paid day to take her senior to attend a college tour. All the parents are fine with this except one.

This one parent objects because she thought the provider had taken her last personal day to attend the funeral. She doesn't want to pay the $84 (the cost of care for one day for her three children) for the upcoming college tour.

I have heard similar stories from child care providers over the years. Child care providers work long hours and take very few, if any, paid vacations, holidays or personal days. Usually the parents of the children in their care are understanding and don't begrudge it when their provider does takes some time off.

But, there are some parents who put up a fight: "You can't take a sick day for a funeral because you aren't sick," "I'm unhappy because now I have to pay twice for this day," "Why should I have to pay for days my child is not in your care?" and so on.

Clearly there are some parents who struggle financially and have a hard time paying for their child care provider's time off.

But most parents get many more paid vacations, sick days, holidays, and other employee benefits than most child care providers do. In the above story the complaining parent has taken two vacations so far this year and now wants to pinch pennies.

My Advice

I responded to the Minnesota child care provider by telling her that it was certainly reasonable to interpret her sick policy as applying to a funeral. Therefore, she still had one more personal day to use for the college tour. It's also true that no matter how reasonable she is there may be some parents who will never see it the same way. Therefore, I proposed that she choose between three options:

1) Tell the parent you took the funeral as a sick day and they owe you the $84 for the personal day. If they refuse to pay, tell them you will end your contract with them.

2) Tell the parent you believe you are entitled to take the personal day but you understand that they may not see things the same way. Negotiate with them. Are they willing to pay half? What if they paid you $84 but spread it over 3 months?

3) Even though your position is reasonable, don't bother trying to convince the parent that they should pay you. Let it go and don't let it bother you. Life is too short to try to convince the parent you are being reasonable.

In the end the child care provider choose option #2. She is trying to negotiate with the parent and will tell the parent that if she won't agree to some compromise that perhaps she needs to look for another provider who would better suit her needs.

Lessons

In the vast majority of situations family child care providers and parents get along wonderfully. In a few instances some parents (and some providers) push for every possible advantage. When providers give in to these parents are they being too nice? Probably.

It's okay to choose option #3 above to resolve your conflict with a parent. Providers bend their rules all the time. But, if you want to stand up to a parent, then go for it. There is no shame in acting on what you believe is reasonable.

Tom Copeland - www.tomcopelandblog.com

Image credit: https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/view-image.php?image=84205&picture=smile-face-wallpaper

For more information about what to put in your contract and policies and how to enforce them, see my book Family Child Care Contracts and Policies.